Chinese: Sun Yat Fai Lok!
Croatian: Sretan Rodendan!
Czech: Vsechno nejlepsi k Tvym narozeninam!!
Danish: Tillykke med fodselsdagen!
Dutch: Hartelijk gefeliciteerd! or Van harte gefeliciteerd met je verjaardag!
Esperanto: Felichan Naskightagon!
Farsi: Tavalodet Mobarak!
Finnish: Hyvaa syntymapaivaa!
French (Canada): Bonne Fete!
French: Joyeux Anniversaire!
German: Alles Gute zum Geburtstag!
Greek: Eytyxismena Genethlia! or Chronia Pola!
Hawaiian: Hau`oli la hanau!
Hebrew: Yom Huledet Same'ach!
Hungarian: Boldog szuletesnapot! or Isten eltessen!
Italian: Buon Compleanno!
Japanese: Otanjou-bi Omedetou Gozaimasu!
Russian: S dniom razhdjenia! or Pazdravliayu s dniom razhdjenia!
Spanish: Feliz Cumpleaños!
Swedish: Grattis på födelsedagen
Taiwanese: San leaz quiet lo!
Thai: Suk San Wan Keut!
English:Happy Birth day
Bill Gates, Andy Grove, & Jerry sanders (CEOs of Microsoft, Intel & AMD) were in a high-powered business meeting. During the serious, tense discussions, a beeping noise was suddenly emitted from where Bill was sitting.
Bill said : "Oh! that's my emergency beeper. Gentlemen, excuse me, I really need to take this call.: So Bill lifted his wrist-watch to his ear and began talking into the end of his tie. Having completed the call, he noticed the others were staring at him. So Bill explained : "Oh, this is my new emergency communication system. I have an earpiece built into my watch and a microphone sewn into the end of my tie. That way, I can take a call anywhere." The others nodded, and the meeting continued.
5 min later, the discussion was again interrupted when this time round, from Andy started a beeping sound. "Oh that's my emergency beeper" he said. "Excuse me gentlemen, this must be an important call." Andy tapped his earlobe and began talking into thin air. When he completed the call, he noticed the others staring at him and thus explained, "I also have an emergency communication system. But my earpiece is actually implanted in my earlobe, and the microphone is embedded in this fake tooth, isn't that neat?"
The others nodded and the meeting continue.jerry was however feeling that how technically unadvanced he is. Later still, the discussion was again interrupted when he emitted a thunderous fart. He looked up at the others staring at him and said, "Uhh, somebody get me a piece of paper..... I'm receiving a FAX."*
It was autumn, and the Red Indians on the remote reservation asked their new Chief if the winter was going to be cold or mild.
Since he was a Red Indian chief in a modern society, he couldn't tell what the weather was going to be.
Nevertheless, to be on the safe side, he replied to his Tribe that the winter was indeed going to be cold and that the members of the village should collect wood to be prepared.
But also being a practical leader, after several days he got an idea.
He went to the phone booth, called the National Weather Service and asked "Is the coming winter going to be cold?"
"It looks like this winter is going to be quite cold indeed," the meteorologist at the weather service responded.
So the Chief went back to his people and told them to collect even more wood.
A week later, he called the National Weather Service again. "Is it going to be a very cold winter?"
"Yes," the man at National Weather Service again replied, "It's definitely going to be a very cold winter."
The Chief again went back to his people and ordered them to collect every scrap of wood they could find.
Two weeks later, he called the National Weather Service again. "Are you absolutely sure that the winter is going to be very cold?"
"Absolutely," The man replied. "It's going to be one of the coldest winters ever."
"How can you be so sure?" the Chief asked.
The weatherman replied, "The Red Indians are collecting wood like crazy."
Why Bill Gates decides to Sell OFF Microsoft?
Letter from Banta Singh of Punjab to Mr. Bill Gates of Microsoft
Subject: Problems with my new computer
Dear Mr. Bill Gates,
We have bought a computer for our home and we have found some problems, which I want to bring to your notice.
1. There is a button 'start' but there is no 'stop' button. We request you to check this.
2. One doubt is whether any 're-scooter' is available in system? I find only 're-cycle', but I own a scooter at my home.
3. There is 'Find' button but it is not working properly. My wife lost the door key and we tried a lot trace the key with this 'find' button, but was unable to trace. Please rectify this problem.
4. My child learnt 'Microsoft word' now he wants to learn 'Microsoft sentence', so when you will provide that?
5. I bought computer, CPU, mouse and keyboard, but there is only one icon which shows 'My Computer': when you will povide the remaining items?
6. It is surprising that windows says 'MY Pictures' but there is not even a single photo of mine. So when will you keep my photo in that .
7. There is 'MICROSOFT OFFICE' what about 'MICROSOFT HOME' since I use the PC at home only.
8. You provided 'My Recent Documents'. When you will provide 'My Past Documents'?
9. You provide 'My Network Places'. For God sake please do not provide 'My Secret Places'. I do not want to let my wife know where I go after my office hours.
Regards,
Banta
Last one to Mr Bill Gates :
Sir, how is it that your name is Gates but you are selling WINDOWS?
Pregnant with my child...
An 85-year old man is having his annual checkup. The Doctor asks him how he is feeling.
"I've got an eighteen-year old bride who's pregnant with my child. What do you think about that?"
The Doctor considers this for a moment, and then says, "Well, let me tell you a story. I know of a guy who's an avid hunter. He never misses a season.
But one day he's in a bit of a hurry and he accidentally grabs his umbrella instead of his gun.
So he's walking in the woods near a creek and suddenly spots a beaver in some brush in front of him! He raises up his umbrella, points it at the beaver and squeezed the handle. BAM !
The beaver drops dead in front of him.
"That's impossible!", says the old man in disbelief, "Someone else must have shot that beaver."
The Doctor says, "My point exactly."
Top 22 things an Indian does after returning to India from "US".
22. Use Nope for No and Yep for Yes.
21. Tries to use credit card in road side hotel.
20. Drinks and carries mineral water and always speaks of health conscious.
19. Sprays deo such so that he doesn't need to take bath.
18. Sneezes and says 'Excuse me'.
17. Says "Hey" instead of "Hi".
Says "Yogurt" instead says "Curds".
Says "Cab" instead of "Taxi".
Says "Candy" instead of "Chocolate".
Says "Cookie" instead of "Biscuit".
Says " Free Way " instead of "Highway".
Says "got to go" instead of "Have to go".
Says "Oh" instead of "Zero", (for 704, says Seven Oh Four Instead of Seven
Zero Four)
16.Doesn't forget to crib about air pollution. Keeps cribbing every time he steps out.
15. Says all the distances in Miles (Not in Kilo Meters), and counts in Millions. (Not in Lakhs)
14. Tries to figure all the prices in Dollars as far as possible (but deep down the heart multiplies by 43 times).
13. Tries to see the % of fat on the cover of a milk pocket.
12. When need to say Z (zed), never says Z (Zed), repeats "Zee" several times, if the other person unable to get, then says X, Y Zee(but never says Zed)
11. Writes date as MM/DD/YYYY, on watching traditional DD/MM/YYYY, says "Oh! British Style!"
10. Makes fun of Indian Standard Time and Indian Road Conditions.
9. Even after 2 months, complaints about "Jet Lag".
8. Avoids eating more chili (hot) stuff.
7. Tries to drink "Diet Coke", instead of Normal Coke.
6.. Tries to complain about any thing in India as if he is experiencing it for the first time.
5. Pronounces "schedule" as "skejule", and "module" as "mojule".
4. Looks suspiciously towards Hotel/Dhaba food.
3. From the luggage bag, does not remove the stickers of Airways by which he traveled back to India, even after 4 months of arrival.
2. Takes the cabin luggage bag to short visits in India, tries to roll the bag on Indian Roads.
Ultimate one:
1. Tries to begin conversation with "In US ...." or "When I was in US..."
1. A Foolish man tells a woman to STOP talking, but a WISE man tells her
that she looks extremely BEAUTIFUL when her LIPS are CLOSED.
**********************
2.One GOOD way to REDUCE Alcohol consumption: Before Marriage - Drink
whenever you are SAD, After Marriage - Drink whenever you are HAPPY
***********************
3. Three FASTEST means of Communication:
1. Tele-Phone
2. Tele-Vision
3. Tell to Woman
Need still FASTER - Tell her NOT to tell ANY ONE.
**********************
4.Love your friends not their sisters. Love your sisters not their friends.
************************
5. A man got 2 wishes from GOD. He asked for the Best wine and Best Woman.
Next moment, he had the Best Wine and Mother Teresa next to him.
Moral : BE SPECIFIC
***********************
6. What is a BEST and WORST news you can hear at the SAME time ?
It is when your Girl Friend says YOU are the BEST KISSER among all your
Friends.
**********************
7. Let us be generous like this : Four Ants are moving through a forest.
They see an ELEPHANT coming towards them. Ant 1 says : we should KILL
him.
Ant 2 says : No, Let us break his Leg alone. Ant 3 says : No, we will
just throw him away from our path.
Ant 4 says : No, we will LEAVE him because he is ALONE and we are FOUR.
***********************
8. If you do NOT have a Girl Friend - You are missing SOME thing in your
life.
If you HAVE a Girl Friend - You are missing EVERY thing in your life.
*******************
9. Question : When do you CONGRATULATE someone for their MISTAKE.
Answer : On their MARRIAGE.
************************
10. When your LIFE is in DARKNESS, PRAY GOD and ask him to free you from
Darkness. Even after you pray, if U R still in Darkness - Please PAY
the
ELECTRICITY BILL.
************************
11.Why Government do NOT allow a Man to MARRY 2 Women. Because per
Constitution, you can NOT PUNISH TWICE for the same Mistake.
*************************
12. "A Ship is always safe at the shore - but that is NOT what it is built
for" - Albert Einstein
I was in the airport VIP lounge in route to Seattle a couple of weeks ago. While in there, I noticed Bill Gates sitting comfortably in the corner, enjoying a drink. I was meeting a very important client who was also flying to Seattle, but she was running a little bit late. Well, being a straightforward kind of guy, I approached the Microsoft chairman, introduced myself, and said, "Mr. Gates, I wonder if you would do me a favor."
"Yes?"
"I'm sitting right over there," pointing to my seat at the bar, "and I'm waiting on a very important client. Would you be so kind when she arrives as to come walk by and just say, 'Hi, Ray,'?"
"Sure."
I shook his hand and thanked him and went back to my seat. About ten minutes later, my client showed up. We ordered a drink and started to talk business. A couple of minutes later, I felt a tap on my shoulder. It was Bill Gates.
"Hi, Ray," he said.
I replied, "Get lost Gates, I'm in a meeting.
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does.
A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
There was an Irishman, an Englishman and Claudia Schiffer sitting together in a carriage in a train going through Kerry.
Suddenly the train went through a tunnel and, as it was an old style train, there were no lights in the carriages and it went completely dark. Then there was a kissing noise and the sound of a really loud slap. When the train came out of the tunnel, Claudia Schiffer and the Irishman were sitting as if nothing had happened and the Englishman had his hand against his face as he had been slapped there.
The Englishman was thinking: 'The Irish fella must have kissed Claudia Schiffer and she missed him and slapped me instead.' Claudia Schiffer was thinking: 'The English fella must have tried to kiss me and actually kissed the Irishman and got slapped for it.' And the Irishman was thinking: 'This is great. The next time the train goes through a tunnel I'll make another kissing noise and slap that English fool again. INTERVIEW
Sub: electrical Engineering
People come up with peculiar or funny answers in interviews or exams:
Interviewer: Why is a thicker conductor necessary to carry a current in A.C. as
compared to D.C. ?
Candidate: An AC current goes up and down (drawing a sinusoid) and requires more space inside the wire, so the wire has to be thicker.
Interviewer: How will you tell if that wall outlet carries AC or DC ?
Candidate: I will put my finger in. If it is pushed away, it is DC. If it gets stuck, it
was AC.
Interviewer: How will you reverse direction of an induction motor?
Candidate: I will remove the four bolts at the base, turn the motor around, and put back the bolts.
Interviewer: How do you start a synchronous motor?
Candidate: Vrrrrrrrmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm (in rising pitch)
Interviewer: Stop! Stop!
Candidate: rrrrrrrmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm (in falling pitch)
Interviewer: How do you limit surge current within an integrated circuit?
Candidate: By using a miniature circuit breaker.
External (to student) : " Why does a capacitor block DC but allow AC to pass through?
Student: See, a capacitor is like this ---| |--- , OK. DC Comes straight, like this ----------, and the capacitor stops it. But AC,goes UP, DOWN, Up DOWN and jumps right over the capacitor!"
Examiner : "What is a step-up transformer?"
Student : "A transformer that is put on top of electric poles."
Examiner (smiling): "And then what is a step-down transformer?"
Student (hesitantly):"Uh - A transfomer that is put in the basement or in a pit?"
Examiner (pouncing): "Then what do you call a transformer that is installed on the ground?"
(student knows he is caught -- can't answer)
Examiner (impatiently): "Well?"
Student (triumphantly): "A stepless transformer, sir!"
Bill Clinton decided to teach' Laloo English,so he invited him over to the US. Laloo arrives
in full grandeur. Bill announces to the nation that they should not be disturbed during the
tution inside the White house, they are locked up in a room, and Bill starts teaching Laloo
English. Days pass by and weeks pass by, but there is no sign of them coming out.
The whole country and its economy has come to a standstill, and press,news reporters from all
over the world are waiting outside eagerly to find the outcome. At last one day, the door opens,
and out comes Laloo -beaming his resplendant white smile, looking cool and unruffled. However,
Bill looks totally dazed,his clothes are torn, his hair is completely ruffled, and he has
scratch marks all over his face.
Theshocked reporters ask Bill, "What happened Mr.Clinton ?"
Bill replies : "Ee babua hamar kuch bhi naahi sunat hai !"
Several men are in the locker room of a golf
club.
A cell phone on a bench rings and a man engages the hands free speaker-function and begins to talk.
Everyone else in the room stops to listen.
MAN: "Hello."
WOMAN: "Honey, it's me. Are you at the club?"
MAN: "Yes."
WOMAN: "I am at the mall now and found this beautiful leather coat. It's only $1,000. Is it OK if I buy it?"
MAN: "Sure, go ahead if you like it that much."
WOMAN: "I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the new 2008 models. I saw one I really liked."
MAN: "How much?"
WOMAN: "$90,000."
MAN: "OK, but for that price, I want it with all the options."
WOMAN: "Great! Oh, and one more thing .....the house I wanted last year is back on the market. They're asking $950,000."
MAN: "Well, then go ahead and give them an offer of $900,000. They will probably take it. If not, we can go the extra 50 thousand. It is really a pretty good price."
WOMAN: "OK. I'll see you later! I love you so much!!"
MAN: "Bye! I love you, too."
The man hangs up. The other men in the locker room are staring at him in astonishment, mouths agape.....
Then he smiles and asks: "Anyone know who this phone belongs to?"
